Fit To Consume

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Pomelo blossoms in Hanoi, Vietnam, from daily sketches.

Pomelo blossoms in Hanoi, Vietnam, from daily sketches.

The pomelo, a South East Asian fruit, serves as a metaphor for what 19th century sculptor Harriet Hosmer understood about how time can shape and sweeten us.


A traditional snack or after dinner digestive in Vietnam consists of a plate of pomelo (bu’o’i) and a small bowl of salt in which to dip the fleshy pieces of citrus. The ceremony is akin to a Southern feast of salted watermelon which is equally refreshing but that’s where the similarities end.

Whereas watermelons ripen over the span of months to sweeten, pomelos take 20 years according to local lore. To be clear, a pomelo flower blooms and in a matter of months a weighty orb appears, but it will never be eaten. Instead, it will be plucked and placed on an altar, an offering alongside cans of Coke and tins of butter cookies. Year after year, this routine is repeated until two decades have passed and the tree, finally mature, relinquishes its sweetest offering—edible fruit.

There is something beautiful about the relationship between the Vietnamese and their pomelos. Before the fruit is ready to eat by the living, it feeds and honors the dead. Perhaps unintentional, delayed gratification makes the pomelo's eventual consumption yields something sweeter. It's also usually eaten communally, the way consecrated bread is broken in Mass, underscoring the sacred in the moment. It's meaning multiplied among cherished company.

The tree offering the fruit serves a purpose. In the landscape of Southeast Asia, tree blossoms dominate several seasons, punctuating the sky with colorful constellations—purple, red and yellow—while pomelo blossoms appear as quietly as Venus, twinkling across a verdant canvas. Clipped, they last a few days at most. And yet it’s not their form people seek, it’s their scent.

…pomelo blossoms appear as quietly as Venus, twinkling across a verdant canvas.

At $5-7 per kilogram, a posy is the same price as two armfuls of Oriental lilies. Before commercial shampoo was widely available in Vietnam, women would steep the blossoms in water to perfume their hair. Today some women still wash their hair with the blossoms, but most people use them in their offerings as a way to bless the year to come.

By the time pomelo fruit arrives on the plate of most consumers, its Mother tree has gone through a seemingly endless production of fruit. Each sphere emerges and swells one season closer to perfection. Herein lies the parallel of human growth which Harriet Hosmer, considered the most distinguished American sculptor to date, illuminated within her lifetime.

Engraving of Harriet Hosmer depicting her at age 43 by Augustus Robin. The engraving appeared in Eminent Women of the Age by James Parton.

Engraving of Harriet Hosmer depicting her at age 43 by Augustus Robin. The engraving appeared in Eminent Women of the Age by James Parton.

In the mid-1800s, just after her twentieth year, Harriet lived and worked alone in a Roman studio. This was a time when women had little agency over their particular development, let alone housing arrangements. Initially escorted to Rome by her father who was instrumental in her development as an artist and intellectual, she settled in peacefully alongside an artistic ex-pat community within a world that was on the brink of civil.

Just as the scent of a pomelo bloom intoxicates upon first opening, Harriet must have been drunk on her newfound freedom, shaping not only marble but each moment of her life. Hosmer’s dedication to her artistic blossoming resulted in exceptional works of art, not only in their crafts(wo)manship, but especially their genius. Writing in her journal about the way in which she had moved toward maturity, Harriet limned, “My life is so unlike what it was then. I think and feel so differently it seems to me I must have left my former body and found another…. These changes make me feel twenty years older.” Despite the rumblings of war, life was sweet for Hosmer in Rome, so much so that she dreaded return of any kind to America. How did she create her dolce vita? She produced year after year until the fruit she bore was fit to consume.

 
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Today is International Women’s Day. In Vietnam, where women are largely credited with winning the American War, there’s a particular celebratory feeling afoot. While America champions Women’s History Month often spotlighting women who’ve achieved stratospheric success, here and in other parts of the world, the everyday woman is lauded.

With this in mind, who are the women in your immediate world? How have they contributed to your growth and development? How have you contributed to theirs? What fruit have you produced together?

Women often downplay the contributions they make to every day, forward movement of life. I invite you to reflect on the seemingly small acts that nurture the sweetness in your life.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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What is Your Heart Work?

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


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Some people are incredibly in-tune with their heart-work. Are you? Staying in constant connection with our core makes it easier for use and direct flow.


A childhood friend recently sent a picture of a letter I wrote to her as a teenager. In it, I asked her what she wanted to study in college. I had a pretty good idea of what I would do.

“I think I would like to be a Psychologist/Architect,” I wrote in the whimsical script of youth.

More than two decades later I’m neither of these and yet I’m both. While the cellular body of my youth is obsolete, the letter confirmed that our cores never change.

The primary work of a psychologist is to support the promotion of healthy behavior and improve the quality of their patients’ lives. Similarly, an architect creates structures that protect, inspire, and nurture the individuals who inhabit them. At my core, I always wanted to help people in a formal and organized way: I helped people as a passionate bookseller who eventually oversaw marketing for a hip, independent bookstore; as an executive producer eager to share Southern literature and music with the world; and as a brand strategy consultant draw to beauty and sustainability. By the way, I would work in an amazing architecture firm, but as their marketing maven.

In late 14th century, the noun “core” came from Old French coeur, meaning heart. So to get to the core of something implies getting to the heart of it. Over the years, honoring my core/heart has allowed me to navigate a landscape that celebrates who I am and nurtures me. Sure, some people are perplexed by my work. They are unable to draw logical connections between my marketing background, art, and recently, TCM enthusiasm. That's okay. The people who truly know me understand, and most importantly, I can make sense of it. It is my heart’s work. 

Whenever I was true to what motivated me, I felt good and burned with energy. The times I let things like fear or money lead, I paid the price. My health suffered. I felt drained. Life was far from fun. Choosing your core over the things that scare you is a practice. Like doing asanas, meditation, or morning prayer, it takes time for it to become an integral part of your life rather than something you check off on a to-do list.

 
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Some people are super in-tune with their heart work. Staying in constant connection with our core makes it easier for use and direct flow. Whether in our relationships, our work, creative projects, or even at rest, honoring what makes you tick — especially when it is for the greatest and highest good — will serve everyone. This is a wonderful exercise I created to use when you need to reconnect with your core. Try it today!

Grab a pencil and piece of paper.

Draw a circle (about 2 inches) at the center of a piece of paper. What did you want to be when you were a kid? Break down what that profession or vision requires. For example, a dancer requires discipline and patience. A firefighter, bravery. Write those words in your circle.

This is your core. This is your heart.

Draw another circle around the core leaving about half an inch between the lines.

What elements of your childhood vision are relevant today? Are you writing or teaching. Traveling a lot. Being a mom or dad? Write those down in the outer circle.

Add more circles. In those outer circles, write down aspects of work, whether volunteering or helping a friend, drawing up plans, or anything that you enjoy!

Now looking at your outer circles, how do they relate to your core? Do you see synergy between your core and what you are doing now?

If your outer circles don’t relate at all to your core, what are some layers you’d like to change? Erase them and write down what you would like to be doing instead to reconnect with your core.

All these layers and your core are YOU.

How do you feel looking at this illustration?


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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The Nature of Feeling Grounded

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


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Grounding practices enrich creative flow, but how can you ground yourself in busy cities—let alone a busy life? Here are some tips to get started.


A few years ago I began meditating. Before that, I participated in closing my eyes at the end of yoga, and occasionally sat in lotus position when I felt particularly frazzled. Over the years, I’ve developed that practice into something I do every day. So when I proudly told my reiki teacher about what I felt was a personal accomplishment, she challenged me, “That’s great for clearing your mind, but how are you grounding yourself?”

Creativity requires roots. Ideas start in your head but once planted, they need direction to grow. For me, grounding nurtures those roots and creates a focus for life energy (qi) to manifest into a physical experience. The most simple grounding practice, and arguably most fun, is to kick off your shoes and stand on the ground. From here you can visualize yourself rooting into the ground. However, the act of connecting with Earth and loved ones, and being aware of the connection, is most important.

Grounding practices enrich creative flow. Unfortunately, for those of us in big cities, finding a grassy patch is like being on a treasure hunt in which few find the loot. The last time I was barefoot I was sprinting across the hot coals of a Vietnamese beach to cool water. Before that, it was the summer in Wales when I ditched my shoes and walked circles around a prickly field. By the end of the two weeks, I’d written and completed a short story. In Vietnam, where I live it’s different. I shared my no-nature dilemma with my teacher.

"Touch a tree," she said. "It’s that easy."

 
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If you’re like me and want to incorporate a regular grounding practice, check out this video for a 10 minute, straightforward practice. In the future, I may create a practice to share, but this is the practice that introduced me to grounding meditation. Check it out!

If you live near nature, or even have a small patch of Earth, spend a few moments standing on the Earth. You can visualize yourself growing roots, connecting with the ground and spreading the roots to loved ones. Once a week, for a few minutes is a great start to this practice. Soon, you’ll find yourself doing it whenever you need to recharge and feel tethered.

Even I have trees in my neighborhood, so pause and touch a tree that attracts you. Many of our trees blossom, so be sure to admire all aspect of the tree, not just the trunk, which helps to nourish the blooms, but the blooms too. They make a big sacrifice to ensure the continuation of life.

Finally, bring nature indoors. I make clippings and disperse them throughout my house. Unfortunately, potted plants don’t do well for me inside my home. I also diffuse natural, wood scented essential oils like Cypress, Douglas and Siberian Fir. There’s science behind the use of these wood-based essential oils which you can read more about here.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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NATUREMary Warnerstories
Mirror Time

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


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Tuning into the movements of nature, especially the cycle of the moon can create “mirror time”, that critical space in our life that allows for self-examination. Do how do you begin?


Fireworks, spring blossoms, and at least for this year, pigs, marked the beginning of the Chinese New Year. The feeling of being between places in year two of what one friend calls my “Lotus Years” is more pronounced than ever. Questions of “Will I ever fit in?” have been replaced with “What can I learn?” or “What can I create?” Most of the answers reveal themselves to me during the period that marks Christmas in the West and the New Year in the East.

During the dark, month-long period between festivities is the hope of a new moon, which also marks the beginning of a new Lunar year in most of Asia. It’s a quiet time for me as I’m not Asian, and one I’ve chosen to dedicate to reflection.

Brooding over new beginnings feels luxurious to me and it’s probably foreign to you. In the West, we really have to fight for “mirror time” as I call it, that critical space in our lives for self-examination. It feels selfish, New Age-y, or both, so we settle for a one sentence New Year’s resolution that will be a footnote to our post-holiday recovery. Without a plan though, our best intentions will almost always vaporize.

In the West, January 1st follows so closely on the heels on feet worn down from shopping that there’s no time to reflect on what a New Year means, let alone what it can hold, or what we need to do to achieve our wildest dreams. That’s why for me the anticipation of the Lunar New Year with its rituals and dark moon, itself a harbinger of the unknown, offers the necessary time to slowly and intentionally cultivate plans for endless possibility. Why don’t you claim it, too?

This year afforded a relatively clear view of the sky, at least until it became filled with smoke from fireworks and fires. Even still, I had to search for my friend. I don’t always know where it is, disoriented as I am by this still new geography and the haze of pollution. Most of the time, I have to rely on my imagination and an app to visualize the moon in its current state. Whether imagined or real, however, I always offer it gratitude. When I do this, I am connected to the true pace of life — slow, steady and always becoming.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Donate
NATUREMary Warnerstories
Begin, Again

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


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What does it take to deepen our practices so that we can connect with the innate creativity within us so that we can be transformed?

 

Relaunching Coucou Home after a long hiatus has been a lesson in persistence and belief.

Writing has been a core part of my life since I was given my first composition book. I was homeschooled for third grade, and one of the things my mom had me do every day was to write about a topic every week. I filled the wide-ruled pages with my hopes and dreams, and the kernels of future essays I'd yet to write. 

As a teenager, my first job was at the local Dairy Queen. It rewarded me with precious dollars, but it also gave me my first limiting belief when I told Tina, the older girl who managed the store, that I liked to write. “That won’t last,” she said as she expertly dipped two cones into a vat of warm chocolate. She was technically an adult, how could I not believe her? 

After I quit the cone job, I went to an art high school where I helped run the school’s newspaper with my twin sister. I also found new ways to tell stories in art classes ranging from pottery and jewelry making to painting and photography. In college, I looked forward to writing essays and my grades reflected it. It was a weekly column that made me realize what it means to communicate with words, to reach people. My writing was terrible, but it fed my spirit.


 
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In graduate school, I picked up the academic pen again and transformed a class into an early version of this website. I wrote mostly about home, and later on my search for it. I earned the award for best graduate thesis for a history of a radio show I worked on, and by then had published writing in Edible publications and Paste Magazine. I didn’t have a cheering squad. Instead, I had Tina telling me I couldn’t do it, and I was happy to prove her wrong. 

A funny thing happens to women approaching thirty. Things that seem light years away suddenly appear on the horizon: home, marriage, babies among them. Until then, they exist as abstract concept or pictures we gloss over in magazines. As the twenties dance on, they begin to manifest as your friends' lives. You are their bride’s maid and later house- and babysitter. Writing, which was central to my identity and way of making meaning of the world, became as irrelevant as high heels are in your thirties. Coucou Home, the place for which my writing lived, was shuttered if only because I no longer had time to "play" house. According to the rest of the world, I needed to make one! I still wrote the occasional essay for publications I admired, but my practice of writing, which had sustained my imagination and my will, surrendered a white flag. Tina had won.

In truth, I didn’t stop writing. I began to hide it. I was traveling twice a week, and my corporate job left me little free time to sleep, let alone write. The executives found my creative life charming but hardly took it seriously. Then again, neither did I. When I needed to be validated as I writer, I had the Los Angeles Review of Books or Bitter Southerner to publish my work. Charles Bukowski would have cringed. 

Then I got married. It was no longer just Tina telling me I couldn’t write. I had a chorus that included society, expectations, and other people’s Instagram posts. After a whirlwind romance, I moved to Vietnam to make a home with my husband. Within a few months, I was asked to lead a writing group and write for a magazine. I stress here that I was not looking for these opportunities. The writing group went well, but writing for the publication did not. My editors in the past were people who I personally connected with and who knew how to deliver criticism with grace, not an anvil. Suddenly, I was questioning my ability to tell a story. I had left Tina some ten thousand miles away, but there she was in her Dairy Queen regalia, dipping a cone in the subtropics. Maybe it really was time to put down the pen.

I had left Tina some ten thousand miles away, but there she was in her Dairy Queen regalia, dipping a cone in the subtropics.

We all have our Tinas. Mine took the form of a cone-dipping Latina, but maybe yours is a relative, or teacher who made you feel small. We can’t banish these people, but we can change our relationship with them. I know Tina was a creative person because we all have the potential to be creative. As an expression of the Divine, it is innate within us. Had I chosen to believe what Tina said about my creativity, that it would die rather than flourish with age, I wouldn’t be sharing this wisdom with you. And I certainly don’t think I would be doing it from halfway around the world. 

Luckily, I did not. After a walk across Wales with my husband, I was reinvigorated to write. Before I left, I had begun a redesign of the website, and many months later, here it is. Since I have resolved the search for home, I found myself shifting my lens to another subject, the thing that has made me persist at what I do throughout my life — creativity. 

Coucou Home's restoration reclaims my downtrodden spirit, but it also reestablishes a place for people to experience transparency and brutal honesty about what creativity is, and how it can transform us.