Take a Breath — On James Nestor’s Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art
Rainbow over Ha Giang, Vietnam, 2018.

Rainbow over Ha Giang, Vietnam, 2018.

To be alive means that we are in a constant state of homeostasis. Part of maintaining our physiological balance requires breathing. You can survive for three weeks without food and about three days without water, but we’re granted only three precious minutes without breathing before we will expire. So important was the breath to the ancient Chinese that they encoded it in their numerical system. The character for the number four makes the shape of a nose and nostrils to represent the act of breathing. It also happens to sound like the word for death. In many cultures, the number four symbolizes completion. What is a human without breath but incomplete? 

What is a human without breath but incomplete? 

Today, breathing well is hard. While the pandemic improved air quality around the globe, the air quality index has surged again with devastating west coast fires and our swift return to productivity. According to James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, it’s not just the fires on the west coast or our insatiable consumer appetite making it hard to breathe. It’s us. 

It seems implausible at first, but Nestor makes a compelling case navigating research that suggests our evolving anatomy has resulted in a shift from nasal to mouth breathing. This change has had devastating consequences. Scientists blame mouth breathing for the rise of snoring, sleep apnea, asthma, allergies, hypertension, and even autoimmune disease. To understand how we became a culture gasping for air, Nestor travels back in time and up his nose to make a case that ancient medicine, the “lost art” part of his subtitle, can resuscitate how we breathe.

Nestor is no slouch when it comes to researching how humans breathe. He’s done it before in DEEP: Freediving, Renegade Science, and What the Ocean Tells Us about Ourselves, which examined the amphibious abilities of freedivers. No surprise. They are great breathers. The book also served as the foundation for this book. Just as Nestor embeds himself with extreme athletes in DEEP, he makes himself a subject again in Breath when he joins a 20-day breathing study at Stanford University, which he describes at times to comic effect. This study, and his participation in it, flows the length of the book, but the headwater begins ten years before when a doctor recommends breathing exercises for Nestor’s respiratory problems. He’s ready to reclaim his life. At times feeling like a search for the holy grail, Nestor delivers on his introductory statement that the book “is a scientific adventure into the lost art and science of breathing.”

Like Nestor, I sought medical advice to feel better when I hit a slump in my life. At the time, I lived in Hanoi, a city whose average air quality meant that on most days I would hover over a purifier to huff clean air. Wearing a mask only did so much. I became a shut-in who dreaded even a walk to the corner bodega for fear I’d be drained. Most days I was. After fruitless visits to a Western medicine hospital, I chose to see a traditional Vietnamese doctor. Lying on the examination table, the doctor tutted over me. After watching me breathe for several minutes, she concluded that the problem wasn’t my environment: it was my breath. I asked what the prescription might be, expecting her to needle me and send me home with herbs.

“Come tomorrow for qigong. I will teach you.” With my next inhale, I came alive with the possibility of breathing better — whatever that meant.

Nestor received a similar prescription from his doctor to join a class to learn the breathing technique called Sudarshan Kriya. Like qigong and the thousands of methods like it, the technique trains people to take in air in a way we’re not accustomed to: cyclically and rhythmically. And perhaps most importantly, with intention. From this foundation in traditional healing practices, Nestor vacillates in time to uncover the earliest and latest “plumonauts,” a term he uses to define those researching breathing and their methods to improve it.

When looking for any lost thing, the first step is to recall where you last left it. In the case of breathing, all compasses point to the East. It doesn’t matter where the plumonaut in question lives, their work is built upon a foundation of several millennia-old Eastern texts which viewed proper breathwork as preventive medicine. 

When looking for any lost thing, the first step is to recall where you last left it.

This is something I know first-hand. When I read Breath, I was in my first year of medical school at Shanghai University of Traditional Chinese Medicine in China. After learning qigong from my Vietnamese doctor, I wanted to know more about this ancient practice. A year later, I moved to Shanghai to study with Dr. Chen Chang Le, a qigong master and acclaimed physician at the Shanghai Qigong Institute. Breath is his specialty. His classes on qigong form the basis of his research, but his practice of it likely accounts for his chill vibe, too.

Just as there are many techniques for breathing, there are many forms of qigong. The one I practiced with Dr. Chen was a version we could easily teach people. We planned to study the physiological effects of casual, but regular qigong practitioners. Unwittingly, I became a plumonaut, gaining access to a community of people obsessed with breathing. What I discovered, that Nestor’s writing affirms, is that we aren’t looking for hacks, nor do we appreciate our rigorous work filed under “New Age.” Like me, the people I met were serious researchers intent on improving human well-being. We view our work as a calling, and doing so within a community that understands it as such, is essential. 

Sangha is the Sanskrit word for "community." Buddhist teacher and monk Thich Nhat Hanh writes that “Without being in a sangha, without being supported by a group of friends who are motivated by the same ideal and practice, we cannot go far.” Traditional medicine, the “lost art” Nestor is referring to, requires an attentive and supportive community to flourish and grow. It is impossible to read Breath without jumping to the end of the book, where an extensive resource section then leads you to Nestor’s website. More than serving its purpose of brand awareness, it has become like an Alexandria of breathing libraries, but it’s also a hub for a community of people who wish to become better breathers. 

We view our work as a calling, and doing so within a community that understands it as such, is essential. 

That’s how I learned that Chuck McGee, one of the particularly colorful characters Nestor spends time with in Breath, was hosting a free, online class to learn more about the Wim Hof Method. Wim Hof has become a guru in the wellness industry, his acclaim reaching as far as China if you count my classmate’s obsession with taping her lips while sleeping — a method Hof talks about. Or better, that I download his app. He has one of those too. Hof is the self-taught, extreme-athlete also known as “Ice Man” because he broke the Guinness World Record for prolonged contact with ice while swimming under it. Since then, Hoff’s fame has grown with the eponymously named method he created to improve overall wellness, which incorporates cold exposure, breathing techniques, and meditation. It’s this method that McGee traveled to Poland to study. Since learning the Wim Hof Method, McGee began teaching the breathing portion of the technique in person, then moved online with the COVID-19 pandemic.

On a Monday evening, I joined his free class along with nearly 200 other curious people from around the world. Nestor was silently present in the Zoom call, too. For the first half-hour, McGee explained the process and technique, beginning with an informal medical disclosure. We moved on to the breathing exercise, which resembled the way Nestor describes it in his book. After the first round, I went deaf. A chatter of crickets erupted in my ears, and the upper area of my chest became hot and prickly. My ears grew warm. Surprisingly, my nostrils chilled with every inhalation. After holding in the air following the second breath, my upper arms became like logs, and felt paralyzed. When McGee ended the session, I was pretty sure that if I stood up, I would pass out. Despite all of this, I felt calm, utterly so. 

Ideally, this, and all the breathing techniques Nestor covers, should be done with extensive and careful instruction. These aren’t techniques to be mastered overnight. They take years, if not decades. Although Nestor takes the position of the skeptic throughout the book, his respect for each breathing technique is evident. His research methodology seems meticulous and the phrase “consult a doctor” is peppered throughout. Some techniques, he notes, especially those that require restrictive breathing, can be dangerous. Tummo, the technique from which Wim Hof developed his method, is one of them. 

Later, I asked Dr. Nida “Dr. Nida” Chenagtsang, a Tibetan Medicine doctor and teacher of the tummo or “inner fire” mediation, about my experience with the practice. Mostly he thinks it's good that tummo breathing is being shared. For more advanced levels though, he’s wary.

 “If somebody doesn’t know what is happening energetically or mentally, or if you don’t know the inner transformation and process, then it can be dangerous,” he said. Tummo, after all, isn’t just about breathwork, it’s a part of a system within Tibetan Traditional Medicine. 

The energy that Dr. Nida is referring to is the “life force,” a term that has various names in different cultures, including prana, qi, pneuma, ki, orenda, ruah, etc. Although no one has yet confirmed that it exists, numerous studies, including the one I began working on, have tried to measure aspects of it. Lifeforce is the foundation of traditional medicine around the world. More recently, attempts by individuals to monetize some aspects of these ancient medicine practices are concerning. Traditional medicine isn’t meant to be practiced piece-meal. Novice practitioners, without the proper guidance, can seriously harm themselves. 

Dr. Nida explained that forced and restrictive breathing, which are considered advanced practices, can result in panic attacks or psychosis. Therefore, a method like tummo requires the proper setting and teacher. Dr. Nida, for his part, instructs regular classes online, and before COVID-19, in retreats, but he has also written extensively on breathing techniques. In short, he advises people to learn simple breathing exercises to acquaint themselves with breath and body. In its Appendix, Nestor outlines all the breathing techniques the book covers, including others that didn’t “make the cut” but that he regularly practices. Taking Dr. Nida’s recommendation, novice breathers might select an observational breathing technique like nadi shodhana, breathing coordination, or resonant breathing. Tummo or any of the restrictive techniques should be practiced only after mastering basic techniques.

If somebody doesn’t know what is happening energetically or mentally, or if you don’t know the inner transformation and process, then it can be dangerous.
— Dr. Nida Chenagtsang

Another key point of Breath is that our lifestyle shapes us, sometimes to our detriment. To address this point, Nestor offers a delightful exploration of the human species’ nasal and oral evolution. I had a hunch our noses have evolved — or devolved, depending on the snout you inherited. From within the caverns of Nestor’s nasal passages and equally dark catacombs of Paris, we learn why breathing well is getting harder for humans to do. One idea is that our difficulty breathing is closely tied to the boom of industrialized agriculture and processed food. That wonderful, soft white bread doesn’t just wreak havoc on our waistlines, it also weakens the structures in our body that help us breathe.

Although Nestor spends less time explaining this research, he nonetheless embeds himself in it by wearing a special retainer for a year to increase the size of his mouth. His experience adds to the growing body of evidence that we are not entirely at the mercy of our genetic inheritance. If you aren’t keen to wear orthodontics for a year, then Nestor has you covered. He includes a brief, but a valuable section in the Appendix on eating “rougher, rawer, heartier” foods. I felt less guilt devouring several loaves of pandemic sourdough bread when I knew it had the added bonus of strengthening my jaw. Doing so was making me a better breather. 

Beyond offering practical, ancient advice, Breathe is an invaluable tool in a time of upheaval, when statements like “I can’t breathe” spoken by Eric Garner (now a Black Lives Matter slogan) permeate the headlines, when the smoke from epic flames chokes the west coast, or when masks that obstruct our breathing have become part of our face. Nestor begins with an epigram culled from an engraving from the Zhou Dynasty, a dynasty that lasted longer than any other in Chinese history, and was notably famous for the beginnings of Daoism and Confucianism. It warns that when breathing, “the inhalation must be full.” The engraving further warns that anyone who acts against this wisdom will die. It sounds harsh, but the ancient Chinese sages understood the power of breath, that it was essential. To take a “full inhalation” or "deep breath” isn’t a platitude. It’s daily medicine. 


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Some Cheer

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Well hello there!
If you’re not familiar with my work, Welcome.

Someone, or maybe even you, asked me to send a note of cheer. What’s more cheerful than a redbud, crocus, tulip, hyacinth, daffodil, or azalea after an alabaster winter? (If you’re in more lush environs — lucky you!)

The illustration I sent you is the first drawing in what has become an illustrated children’s series about a time-traveling, nature-obsessed girl called Contessa. She arrived like a friend in my life after I moved to Vietnam as a way for me to express my feelings and the things I missed in such a drastically different culture. Contessa is holding flowers because aside from living on Flower Street, flowers were everywhere in Vietnam, and they provided a bridge to my life in the West. Flowers kind of saved me.

Flowers have saved other people too. When asked about the origins of her flower work — those monumental portraits both in scale and influence — Georgia O’Keefe said that they were a response to the 1920s, “when everything was going so fast. Nobody had the time to reflect.”

I think we can all agree that until the coronavirus, everything was going “so fast.” For me, life began to slow down a bit in January when I arrived from Shanghai on a holiday break from medical school. Two weeks later, it slowed, even more, when Delta canceled my flight back home to China. Then life came to a final jarring halt in March when China closed its border indefinitely. Fast was no longer an option for me, for anyone.

Of these times, I’ve heard they are trying, challenging, uncertain, strange. Or at least that’s what the headlines and advertisers tell us. I’d like to add another one we’ve been needing for a while - reflective.

If you work on the frontline, are part of an essential business, or have a brood at home, it’s harder to find the time to reflect. Unique among humans, self-reflection and resiliency are intertwined. Studies show that the ability to self-reflect affects our ability to grow, particular in times of stress like, well, a pandemic.

Where reflection requires time, it doesn’t require big gestures. There’s no need for long mediations or glamorous retreats. Like Georgia O’Keefe discovered, reflection can begin with the little things. A sunset. Moving clouds. And not least among them, a bloom.

I’d like to thank you for being present in all of this. To the nurses, doctors, teachers, parents, grocery store, priests, pharmacy workers, police and other essential workers: THANK YOU! I see you.

If you’d like to receive more cheer digitally, subscribe to my mailing list. Or, if you love slow mail, check out more of my Postale series. I’m grateful to share some beauty with you. And I hope today, you’ll find a bloom that inspires reflection in you. — MW


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Mary Warner
Grief in the Time of COVID-19

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Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Jerusalem, Israel

Church of the Holy Sepulchre, Jerusalem, Israel

In 2014, I was in a meeting in Verona, Italy, demo-ing a feature on Facebook when I was tagged in a post by my mother. My grandmother was dead. Six years later and only an hour-and-a-half away from where I received that news is Bergamo, the epicenter of the COVID-19 pandemic. I wonder how many people have been alerted of the death of a loved one via the company whose mission aspires to “bring the world closer together.” More importantly, how many people will be forced to grieve this way? 

More importantly, how many people will be forced to grieve this way?

When my grandmother died, there was no funeral. It was her choice, a wish we could respect then and now, unlike other people who might prefer a celebration. My mother is one of those people. I used to cringe when she would describe what her own funeral would be like in terms of “laughter, joy” and “praise,” but now I can’t imagine it any other way. She embodies all of those words. She has the praise music picked out (“I’m Not Ashamed” by the Newsboys) and requested an altar call for non-believers. In the end, funerals reflect who we are. How will we cope with how COVID-19 is rewriting our endings?

I didn’t know about my grandmother’s cancer diagnosis until it had progressed into a stage where it had metastasized and fed on the rest of her body. The final act. Stage four. I remember the call from my mother well. Late spring. Torrential downpour in the Meatpacking District of Manhattan trying to hail a cab to JFK. As fate would have it, I had already planned a trip home. But the Fates don’t like to give without receiving.  

“It’s the end,” my mom told me. An umbrella was useless. I threw up my hand. People passing by, if they even noticed, wouldn’t be able to tell the rain from my tears. 

By the following morning, I was at my grandmother’s bedside. I was angry that there was a delay to bring me to her house in central Florida, a few hours from my parents’ home. What small luxuries we had then. 

When I arrived, a couple of cousins, their dad, and my mom and dad were the only ones there. I have few memories of that day. I imagine it was sunny and hot since that’s how Florida always is in May. My cousins, whose father was waiting on news of their inheritance, kept to themselves. At some point, my mom ushered me into the area of the living room where my grandmother would breathe her last breath. She said little that I can recall now, but what I will never forget is our last embrace. 

I had often imagined that a grandmother was someone who pinched your cheeks and smelled of baby powder. Not my grandmother. I have no memories of her hugging me to know what she smelled like, or getting close enough to me to pinch my cheeks. As an adult, I wrote her letters. Her replies read like a farmer’s almanac: “Put the tomatoes in. Weather’s hot.”

In the end, it was her stomach that was hot.

“The cancer’s here, hun,” she said, pressing my hand into a warm, dough belly. “Right here,” she pressed it harder as if cancer was bread you could knead into a beautiful loaf. It was a short visit. Before I left, I do know I hugged my grandmother, holding onto her until I could feel her pull away, the same elasticity as a good dough. What small luxuries we had then. 

A headline from Bergamo, Italy, last week read: “Coffins Pile Up in Churches, People in Their 80s Die Alone”. Unlike my grandmother, the Italians I knew embraced people a lot. Ever the cultural anthropologist, at one time in my life, I had a summer romance with a man from Bergamo. He was older, and as is the traditional Italian way, even in his 40s, he lived with his mother until a few years ago. Was she OK?, I wondered. Is she alone? My concern isn’t unfounded. Another Italian friend recently wrote to say he lost an aunt and four friends, adding these sharp words: “I couldn’t say goodbye to any of them.” 

I couldn’t say goodbye to any of them.

Lombardy, the region where Bergamo is located, has reported over 2,000 deaths in a little over a month. One writer put it in perspective for us this way: “The local newspaper L’eco di Bergamo usually publishes two pages of death announcements every day, and now there are 10.”

Something is missing from the headlines though. Something that hasn’t hit people yet. But it will. It’s the question of how we will grieve in the time of COVID-19, because if there is one thing that is certain in life, it’s that there’s death. In fact, one statistic puts the number of people who die on a normal, non-pandemic day, at 150,000. A few days ago, my friend became a statistic. She didn’t die from complications caused by COVID-19. Like my grandmother, she died from cancer, too. 

In the early days of the pandemic, in the halcyon days when it was still referred to as coronavirus, I read a report from Wuhan indicating that people who died at hospital would be cremated, their bones available for pick up, and nothing more. A countrywide ban made it impossible for loved ones to gather for a funeral, to grieve. 

It seemed impossible then, the kind of thing you read about and then think, That would never happen here, and then it does and not just to people who die from complications of the virus. It happens to everyone, including my friend, Daun. When I got the call from my Dad, who had read about it on Facebook, I remembered my grandmother. The news of her death shared on the same platform, which I had only recently logged out of. I logged back in to see the memories of my friend flood her son’s announcement from around the world. For now, this would be the closest thing most of us would get to a gathering.   

Unlike my grandmother who loathed the idea of any kind of get-together, the tragedy of the time we’re living in now is that Daun would have appreciated a service of remembrance. Not because it would have been focused on her, but because she is the kind of person who would know that gathering helps people grieve. Grief was something she understood.  

A contemporary of my mother and the mother of my childhood friend, the spirit of our relationship was one of family. I loved Daun. After I had briefly moved back to my home state of Florida to reorient my life, Daun and I reconnected — this time as grown-ups. One of the first things I updated her with was the news of a miscarriage. It was a loss I had failed to process and one that in the loving space that Daun created, I could face. 

"You will always be a mother,” she told me, clutching my hand, tears in her eyes. She took on my burden. My loss was hers.   

When I finally got in touch with Daun’s son after hearing the news of her death, my instinct was to offer to get in a car, drive to where he was, and hug him. We would ugly cry together and wipe each other’s tears. But I couldn’t. Under the terror of COVID-19, the law of the land is to stay-at-home. To be alone with our grief.  

Under the terror of COVID-19, the law of the land is to stay-at-home. To be alone with our grief.

One-hundred and fifty thousand people die everyday. How many lives do these people touch? Andrew Gleman did research for the New York Times that suggested on average, we know between 10 to 25 people. That’s nothing to say of people who, out of respect or admiration — and perhaps, in some rare cases, out of loathing — would attend our funeral. I remember attending the funeral of my childhood friend’s brother. He was a popular athlete at the local high school. Afterward, his sister grabbed the guest book, and in a move that sounds rather macabre in hindsight, we began to tally all his ex-girlfriend’s. We lost count. 

Let’s say we take the modest of the two numbers and go with ten, that means that every day on average there are 1.5 million people mourning the loss of a loved one. Today, they are without adequate means to do so. My grandmother and other people like her aside, the way that many humans have processed death in our lives is via the ritual of a funeral, a rite pre-dating modern Homo sapiens to almost 300,000 years ago. In other words, it is ingrained in our humanity, and until last month, enacted every day by the way we burn loved ones on the Ganges River, queue to pay our respects to dignitaries lying in state, or gather to say our last words. To embrace. What small luxuries we had then. 

I wish I knew the answer to how we can remake an ancient ritual that defines us as humans. Posting a eulogy to Facebook doesn’t seem enough. Maybe it is for you. It’s not for me. Some people might delay services where they can, but the funeral rites of a few religions require swift burial of their dead. 

Daun was a devout Bahá’í, a convivial religion whose hallmark events are called “firesides”, gatherings that bring people together in conversation and song. They are the sort of thing where people in their togetherness can fellowship and feel renewed in God’s love, especially in dark times. But what of the dark times when we can’t gather? Do we sing alone? I know I’m not prepared for a solo. 

Bahá’í funerals are expected to take place within twenty-four hours of a believer’s death. Like all Bahá’í funerals, Daun’s service would include the only prayer in the religion that is permitted to be read as a group, the “Prayer for the Dead”. Normally, people would gather and select one person to recite the prayer while all others present silently listen.  

The group mourning Daun in-person will be smaller — not for any other reason but that the government mandates it. Pre-COVID-19, I’d imagine hundreds would show up to honor my anam cara, to share the burden of our grief, to embrace. Since I’m not among those able to gather, I will say Daun’s prayer alone and do what humans have always done best, adapt.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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Move With the Sun

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Until I lived in Asia, I didn’t have a morning ritual other than the shower, coffee, out-the-door trio that’s become commonplace around the world. A year into living in Hanoi, a ritual emerged, and for the most part, remains a part of my third year abroad. So why do I do it?

A daily ritual is important. It sets the tone of my days, buoying me to something that keeps me afloat even on the roughest of days. Along the way, I’ve modified my routine, and that’s been critical to its longevity.

Here are my tips for creating a ritual that lasts:

Move with the sun. I adjust the time I wake up to when the sun rises. So that means that during the winter I go to bed earlier and wake up later, while in the summer I go to bed a bit later and rise earlier. I also adjust it based on my exam schedule. You may find changing it to suit your work or family’s schedule ensures it happens every day, all year.

Be flexible. So you missed a day. Ok. Begin, again.

Try a nightly ritual. Rituals don’t just belong to the morning. I even have one for the afternoon.

Create rituals that energize or nourish you. They can challenge you, but shouldn't deplete you.

Share your practice. My husband and I share parts of my evening ritual. Since he knows about my practices, he encourages me when I'm slacking.

Keep it simple and maybe even short. Three times during the day are set aside for ritual, so I keep things short. No more than an hour in the morning, and only thirty minutes in the afternoon and evening. While I admire people with Superman meditation sessions or Rushdie's writing stamina, they are not for me right now.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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SPIRITMary Warnerstories
What is the Bedrock of Creativity?

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Curiosity is the bedrock of creativity. Yet in our daily lives, we’ve become less inclusive, immersing ourselves in tribes comprised of people who share our world view. It's a safe way to live, but are we really living? Curiosity means getting close to what we don’t understand. It means listening. We can’t wait until catastrophe strikes to extend an olive branch.

The time is now.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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When Joy Becomes Strength

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In Traditional Chinese Medicine, joy is one of the seven emotions that we experience as humans, but its meaning implies a state of mind (over- or under-excited) rather than a spiritual calling. So what is joy? And where does it come from?

There’s a beautiful passage in the Book of Nehemiah in which its author writes, “Do not be sad, for the joy of YHWH is your strength.” YHWH, is the unspoken name of god for the kingdom of Israel, and what became Judah. Christians later adopted the name, and I grew up hearing it belted out as “Yahweh” in Sunday morning worship service. A line in one song rendered from scripture always stood out to me: “The joy of my Lord is my strength.” Taken from the Book of Nehemiah when the walls of Jerusalem were being rebuilt, the modern praise hymn replaced YHWH with Lord, but the meaning remained: Joy in what we are doing gives us strength. 

Rumi, the 13th-century Sufi poet, also had this to say of joy: “Heart sorrow prepares you for joy. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.”

And that far better thing is joy. Sorrow, then, is the fertile soil that gives life to joy. 


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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SPIRITMary Warnerstories
What a Hacking Cough Can Teach Us

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For the last ten days, I’ve been at the mercy of a cough. In the evening, it’s the worst, holding me hostage from much-needed sleep. So last night I tried something different. I let the cough happen. After a few hearty hacks, my heaving chest slowed to stillness. I was awake a bit longer and then sleep arrived at last. Sweet and silent. What other areas of our lives do we fight against rather than go with the flow of life’s breath? Of course, there are things that deserve a fight. Most things require patience though. Something a hacking cough will teach you if you allow it. 


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EVERYDAYMary Warnerstories
If I’m Being Honest

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Day 1: Vibrant. Lipstick perfect. Lots of smiles.

Day 60: Frazzled. What lipstick? Hair in a top knot if I can find my elastic. Smiles are for 22 year-olds.

The down-side to going to medical school, especially when wellness is read on the face, is you can’t hide your bad days. In the past, I could hole up at home and send out SOS messages via text like: “I’m o.k.” (As if eating popcorn midday in pajamas you’ve worn for 3 days is o.k.)

Now with a full load of classes, which unlike client calls I have to arrive fully groomed and clothed for, I’ve had to confront my anxiety, a beast I’m still learning to tame.

The thing is, I thought I left it caged in the office of my formerly corporate life. Until then, I took a low dose of anti-anxiety medication. After I left that world and with my newly found freedom, I was able to ween myself off the medication and replaced it with exercise, something my five-to-eternity schedule never allowed for.

Slowly, I added meditation, but that took years of consistent practice to become an effective tool to manage my anxiety. (Yoga helped too, but not as consistently as meditation, which is why I’m in Shanghai studying qigong, a Daoist form of meditation.)

There’s a reason I’m making this public.

1) It helps me.

I’m a perfectionist. Sharing my imperfections with the world allows me to see myself as part of a larger picture, to shift my perspective from hyper-focusing on myself to recognizing other people like me struggling with exactly the same issues.

2) It might help you.

We all experience stress. That doesn’t mean coping with it is any easier. If everyone had a broken arm, would your broken arm hurt any less? So talk about how your feeling. Begin — or return to — a practice to help manage the stress and anxieties of being human.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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The Gardener's Friend — On Achillea millefolium

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Achillea millefolium — Carmarthenshire, Wales, 2018.

Achillea millefolium — Carmarthenshire, Wales, 2018.

By now, it’s clear that plant lore is often rooted in stories of gallantry and loss. But blooms can help us, too. Consider Achillea millefolium.


Until recently, Achillea millefolium, or yarrow as it is commonly known, has been relegated to the roadside, but it holds an esteemed place in folk medicine. Part of its name, Achillea, comes from the name of the Greek hero, Achilles, who Chiron the centaur taught of its healing properties. Achilles was a warrior, and Chiron, a scholar of medicine and the stars, anticipated the wounds this warrior would encounter. Among other remedies, he showed Achilles how to apply an ointment of yarrow to stanch bleeding. Years ago, I remember buying a yarrow cream to mend my wounds. This act was a testament to how the stories of humans and plants are intertwined, but also their power to heal in any time. 

Ancient Greeks weren’t the only people to recognize this plant’s potency. Native people of the Americas believed yarrow to be “life medicine.” From treating headaches and fevers to aiding in sleep, yarrow was an integral part of their daily lives. Even in my motherland, the United Kingdom, yarrow plays a visionary role in Gallic lore: a leaf of yarrow across the eye was believed to bestow second sight. 

Far away in space and time, a similar concept exists in China where practitioners of the I Ching have long used dried yarrow stalks in this millennia-old divination ritual. The diviner collects 50 yarrow stalks locally, cleans and lacquers them, and uses them in an intricate process of foretelling a path. Finding local yarrow matters. In Chinese traditional medicine, practitioners believe that the qi (life essence) of the yarrow will be more in-tune with the diviner if collected locally. What seems key to all of this is the relationships humans have cultivated with plants. It’s not that they saw them as saviors, but companions to a better way of living and aid in seeing the world. 

Years after I bought the yarrow ointment, I stayed in a lovingly restored cottage from 1755 in Carmarthenshire, Wales. Carmarthenshire is considered the birthplace of Merlin, the magical sage who added Arthur throughout his travails. The area, and all of Wales for that matter, seemed to brim with a kind of whimsy only a place still rooted in legends could evoke. And where there are rich legends, there is also a fierce appreciation for the natural world. 

A long lane led up to the house, and every evening, I would take in the long light. Summer was close to ending. The earth turned golden. I would miss the blackberries, now green but hinting at the sweetness to come, and this thought disappointed me. Then I saw the yarrow. Now, I do not have a favorite flower or plant, but there are those plants that touch something deep within you. Here was yarrow, which I had seen at this point in various settings around the world, but it was as though I was seeing it for the first time. In the dusk, it seemed as though the most gentle of pinks infused the bloom, a magical talisman aglow from setting sun. 

I cut the stem and took it home. There was no bleeding to staunch that evening but it certainly mended a broken heart. 


Thank you for reading. If you have any questions or you are curious to know who signed you up for Coucou Postale’s Bloom series, send me a message. I’d love to hear from you.

Mary Warnerpostale, blooms
The Mysterious Disappearance of Contessa Willoughby: Part Three

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Contessa_ffc2cb_1-3.jpg

Reread Part Two if you wish to recall where we last left Contessa or continue to Part Three.

Part Three

Contessa’s gaze turned toward the piles of rocks around her. So lulled by the light, she didn’t notice the roots amongst her feet. Loads of them. Twisty ones, gnarled ones. Ones as thick as her waist, and others the width of her pinky. Then she heard another sound. It was fainter than the beat, but also familiar. Was it a spring? She glanced around the cave. Her eyes, glazed with light, darted from crystal peak to crevice. On a far off rock-wall, she spotted a dark stain that glistened above a trickle of water. 

If a spring existed, then perhaps there would also be a way home. Didn't springs always begin and end somewhere? Contessa headed towards the sound of water. She navigated slick, stone slabs, and crystals that soared to great heights above her. The sound of the beat and water merged. Gurgle, gurgle, ba-dum, ba-dum. Contessa quickened her step. Gurgle, gurgle, ba-dum, ba-dum.

At a cluster of the largest and shiniest of the crystals, she stopped. She found the spring. And then she noticed the most wondrous thing. It seemed to flow with the sound of the beat. 

Did you know we begin our lives with a beat? There is the music of your mother’s heart, of course, but there is a deeper beat, one silenced by the noise humans make. It is the beat of the Earth. After you were born, you forgot that beat. You had your rattles and firetrucks, the television, stadiums of cheering crowds at your graduation, then sports and music events, shopping malls — a lavish symphony of sound and nowhere a beat. For a long time, I also forgot about the beat — even longer than Contessa. For when she stood at the edge of the stream in this cavern of curiosity, she remembered it. And she remembered the oak tree. Everything, she realized, had a heartbeat. What did it mean? 

Hours passed since she first appeared in the cave. She heard a low gurgle again, but this came from deep within her belly. She needed to eat something, but the only way she could do that was to find a way out. The water flowed to her left, so she followed it to the right, carefully walking alongside the giant crystals. Each one she passed, she ran her tiny hand across its glassy surface. She felt a rush through her arm, a warm, electric feeling — like the kind you get when someone plays with your hair. She was cold, but the crystals chased away the chill. 

The spring became a stream where the crystals glowed the brightest, and farther along, she spotted something she thought might help: a ladder. This was no ordinary ladder, such as the one Papa used to place the star atop the evergreen on the eve of Christmas. No, this one was made of the same roots she tripped over. It was elaborately woven together with two thick rails, and wide, root rungs. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... She counted into darkness. Seventeen rungs. If there were more, she would have to climb to find out. The took hold of the rails and stepped on the first rung.

After collecting rocks and drawing, climbing was Contessa’s other favorite pastime. Papa allowed her to climb the oak tree in the back garden under his watchful eye. In the arms of the oak, Contessa imagined herself far away, sailing across the high seas at the helm of a branch. Or flying through the blues skies as high as the red kite, a bird whose feathers she often found on walks with Papa. When Papa would nap, she would take the red kite feather to his toes and tickle him awake. Or imagine it was a wand that could turn a caterpillar into a butterfly. 

"Abracadabra!" she waved the feather above a green squiggle. Except the caterpillar remained, supping on its milkweed meal. 

The point was, trees allowed her to be and do so much. Even below ground, where they were bare of branches to climb and blooms to woo, they were helping her. This time, perhaps, bringing her home. As she climbed the root ladder, she tightly grasped its rungs and pulled herself up higher and higher. Or was it possible the roots pulled her up? She wasn't sure. She pressed on, deeper into darkness. The glow from below faded as she ascended. The beat grew faint. She dared not to think about how high above the crystals she was now. She lost count at fifty-five, the year she was born. Still, it was enchanting. Beneath her, the crystals flickered like birthday candles. 

When she didn’t think she could go any farther, the ladder suddenly stopped. She ran her hands over the top of the rails. It coiled over a ledge and rooted into the ground. Contessa stretched out her hand. Yes! It was the end of the ladder. She pulled herself up, and at last! She could see the faintest daylight at the end of a narrow tunnel. She carefully walked towards the light, dragging her hands along the wall. It was no longer smooth. Instead, it crumbled under her fingers. Plink, clatter, plonk. Pebbles scattered on the ground. She sniffed her nails. Soil. 

At last, she came to the end of the tunnel. She paused to breathe. Contessa could no longer hear the beat. She sucked in the potent perfume around her. The scent of life. Dank, sweet, and wet. Earth. She could see the tunnel now. Light shone through a tangle of leaves. This would be her exit. She looked around one last time. The path was narrow and worn. Other people have been here, she thought. Someone can help me get home. 

Contessa stepped on a platform beneath the hole and shimmied through to the other side. At once, thick leaves stung her face and arms, then legs. They pulled her hair and snagged her clothes. When she freed herself from the vicious plant, she smoothed her dress and straightened her hair ribbon. Then she turned her attention toward her foe. It was a holly bush, placed here for a reason. For behind it, there was a trunk so wide that neither she nor four friends joining together could embrace it. No, it would take ten children hand-in-hand to hug this ancient tree.


Mary Warnerpostale, contessa
The Mysterious Disappearance of Contessa Willoughby: Part Two

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Reread Part One if you wish to recall where we last left Contessa or continue on to Part Two.

Part Two


It is said that time-travel is a fiction. But if you close your eyes and then open them — yes, go ahead and do it — isn’t that a kind of time-traveling? I believe that the next moment can become a new place if you look close enough. If, perhaps, you believe

It would be the same for Contessa. Except that when she opened her eyes, she was certain she was no longer in her room. It was not what she could see — in fact, she could see nothing. It was so dark that were her hands not attached to her body she wouldn’t believe she had them. So how did she know she was no longer in her room? It was the smell.

The autumn before, her grandfather took her on a walk nearby to his home. 

“I’m going to show you something special,” he told Contessa with a hint of mischief in his eyes. “Stones!”

Contessa was on the floor arranging acorns that had fallen from the oak tree into neat rows according to size. “Stones, Papa?” 

“Yes, let’s go.” It was drizzling outside and Contessa was warm by the fire. 

“I promise, you will want to see this. Let’s go.” He handed her a pair of wellies. 

They set off towards a path in the back corner of the garden. They wandered vacant fields where only a few months ago cows grazed beneath a warm summer sun and crossed solemn country lanes. All was quiet except for the patter of rain. The land glistened. A stiff wind blew. It seemed like everyone but Papa and Contessa were somewhere enjoying a fire. They continued on, advancing towards a hill that heaved under the weight of some strange shape. Contessa ran ahead to investigate.

“I told you! The cairns. They’re special stones!” her grandfather shouted after her. 

She had never seen anything like it. These were not like the stones she collected at the beach and skimmed across the sea. No, these were a thousand times more grand. But there was something else about them, too. Now, I must be honest with you. Children often sense things that the adults around them are unable to. It’s not that adults are incapable, it is just they have chosen to forget. Choosing to do something is very different than being unable to. Forgetting, many adults believe, makes everything easier. These stones, Contessa knew in her heart, had a story to tell the way you or I do. 

When her grandfather made it across the field, Contessa was standing in front of a trio of the largest of them. The two smaller ones, which rose up towards the sky, bore the burden of another stone that spanned the length of four Contessas. Together, they formed a kind of doorway.

“Where does it go?” 

Her grandfather placed his hand on one of the stones and closed his eyes,“To people, long, long ago.” 

Contessa watched him. The rain was scant but a drop had formed in the corner of his eye. Maybe Papa already knew their story.  

“Your turn,” he opened his eyes. “Touch them.”

Contessa didn’t reach with her hand that day. Instead, she craned her neck towards the stones, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply.

The wonderful thing about scents is that they are another way to time-travel. It wasn’t that autumn day with her Papa and the stones when she inhaled this time, but when she breathed in the darkness of wherever she was, cold air filled her nostrils with the memory of the cairns and her grandfather. Contessa exhaled. She was not scared. She knew whatever path she was on would lead her to him. 

Contessa took a step forward. The ground seemed smooth and even. She took another step, and tripped. She reached down and ran her hand across the ground until she felt something thick and familiar, like something that belonged to the oak tree in Papa’s garden. Was it a branch? She tugged on it, but the earth grasped tighter. It was a root.

Contessa continued on. Moments passed but without anything to mark time, and no other roots to trip over, she wasn’t sure how long she had been walking. Then, from out of the darkness, a jagged silhouette materialized in front of her. She stopped. Ba-dum…ba-dum…ba-dum. It was the faintest beat, but she was certain that she heard it. She had a toy that made a similar sound, a drum she fashioned from an old, oatmeal container.

She walked towards the sound until the dark outline gave way to glittery forms. The beat grew louder. Ba-dum…ba-DUM…BA-DUM. She stopped again. Ahead of her, everything was cast in a warm glow, like the late afternoon light that convinced her the sun was made of gold. She looked around. She was in a cave. All around her, squat rocks anchored trunks of crystals that reached up from the ground and down from the ceiling. Closer to the crystals, she felt the beat inside her body. 

“Can you hear it?”, Contessa pointed. But there was no one there to answer. 


Mary Warnerpostale, contessa
The Gardener's Friend — On Anemones

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Anemone — Lopez Island, Washington, 2016.

Anemone — Lopez Island, Washington, 2016.

For some blooms, it is only after seeing them in-person that they express themselves to you. Anemone is one of those flowers.


Growing up in Florida, anemones were a thing of winsome flower tableaus in magazines. Later on, maybe I saw one tucked into a wedding bouquet or two, but it was in Los Angeles that I had a private audience with a single anemone bloom.

You always remember these first floral encounters. The light was low, that kind Alice of Wonderland called a golden afternoon. The flower seemed to exist without a vase. Certainly, there was one, but all I remember was the soft white of the anemone's petals and its center, velvety black-blue.

This was not a grocery store flower. It was the kind of bloom that made me wonder what other strange beauty Nature had to share. I never did ask my friend where she found the single bloom or who gave it to her. After all, there were more new blooms to see in California. Pomegranate flowers, poppies, salvia, fuschia. I forgot about the anemone.

Then, in 2016, I went to Lopez Island, a tranquil haven off the coast of Washington State. While I stayed on the island, I documented the flora and fauna. I also met local people at the morning Saturday market, including flower farmer, Lindsey Cummins.

Lindsey graciously invited me back to Dancing Flower Farm, the tiny plot of land she had carved out on her family's property, and where she lived in a bus that she and her partner had converted into a cozy home. Until meeting Lindsey, I had only seen one anemone, but I as rounded the gate to enter the garden, I saw a rainbow of them all twisted and curled, flashing their vibrant petals at me. I felt joy.

History suggests flowers and emotions have always been entwined. In Greek myth, the culture from which anemone gets its name, the flower sprung up from the tears of Aphrodite while mourning the loss of her lover, Adonis. There is something hopeful and enduring in this fiction. We continue to act out her gesture in Western culture by offering flowers to people after they lose loved ones. Other fictions abound: There’s an old wive’s tale that suggests that anemones close when it rains, or that it can ward off disease. None speak to me across time the way the story of Aphrodite does though.

Most people associate anemones with spring, but there is also a variety that blooms in autumn: Anemone japonica. Notorious plant explorer Robert Fortune first introduced Anemone japonica to England in 1844 after finding it in Shanghai, where I now call home. I have yet to see the flower in the wilds of the city, but I’ll keep looking. Maybe all that’s needed are tears. — GF


Thank you for reading. If you have any questions or you are curious to know who signed you up for Coucou Postale’s Bloom series, send me a message. I’d love to hear from you.

Mary Warnerpostale, blooms
The Mysterious Disappearance of Contessa Willoughby: Part One

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Contessa_7fc5e6_1-1.jpg

Part One


This is the way that Contessa would remember it.

There were several cherry trees and yew in her grandfather’s back garden, but the one she loved most of all was an oak. It was a curious tree. Its branches grew from the trunk in twisted mass, gnarled arms holding tight to some secret.

In the summer, when she stayed with her grandfather, he would take her to a weathered bench beneath the oak and tell her stories about places he had been. She would lay across his lap looking up towards a canopy of green as he filled her head with tales of places where trees spoke and people moved like lightening.

In the same way that people might resemble their dogs, they can also look like the trees they love. Contessa’s grandfather was no exception. Like the oak tree, he was ancient, and as long as she knew him, he was stooped low to ground with a warm face that was rough as bark. Unlike the oak, though, he wore funny clothes and used strange expressions.

One day, instead of taking her to the bench, her grandfather brought Contessa close to the oak tree and placed her tiny hand on its swollen trunk.

“Do you hear its heartbeat?” he whispered.

“It doesn’t have a heart, Papa.” She wriggled her hand free and put it on her chest, “Not like me!”

“Oh, but Contessa, all living things have a heart. If you believe this, then the tree will share its secrets with you.”

That night, Contessa made a wish on the first star she saw from her bedroom window: May I hear the great oak’s heartbeat.

In the middle of the night, Contessa awoke to a roaring sound and the smell of smoke. She pushed the drape away from the window. A fire lit up the sky, but what was it burning? Contessa dashed out of her bed, down the hall.

“Papa, papa!” A bell clanged, neighbors emerged from their homes in nightdress and caps. Contessa’s grandfather was nowhere to be found. Contessa began to cry. A crowd gathered near the back corner of the garden. Mrs. Dingle, her grandfather’s neighbor, reached down and wrapped a blanket around her. It was too late to hide from Contessa what she already saw. The great oak was burning.

By midnight, Contessa was safely tucked into bed again. Unable to find her grandfather, she stayed with Mrs. Dingle until her mother arrived. When Contessa awoke, she saw something in the room that wasn’t there the night before. She pushed herself to the foot of her bed where she found a large, lumpy object covered with a white sheet.

She pulled the sheet back. It was a rocking horse! But where did it come from? She ran her fingers down the smooth, polished neck of the still animal. She gently pushed down on its nose. The horse bobbed up and down. Contessa pushed her legs off the bed onto the floor, and then over the seat of the horse. She wrapped her arms around the neck of the wooden beast.

Was it possible? It was the faintest throbbing at first. She pulled back and sat up straight on the stiff saddle. She put her hands to her chest.

Was it a heartbeat? She leaned forward again. There it was! Stronger this time. She eased the horse forward, then back, and forward once more.

If you were in the room, you would have seen Contessa rocking on the horse. Then suddenly, only the horse without its rider.


Mary Warnerpostale, contessa
The Gardener's Friend — On Dahlias

You are a recipient of Coucou Postale, a postcard series designed to engage and delight readers through stories and art using good-old fashioned mail and the magic of the Internet.


Dahlia ‘Café au Lait’ — Newport, Rhode Island, 2015.

Dahlia ‘Café au Lait’ — Newport, Rhode Island, 2015.

Everyone remembers their first dahlia. Mine was a Café au Lait at a farmer’s market in Newport, Rhode Island. Only a month later, I would notice them adorning decorations for Dias de Los Muertos, the Mexican holiday that honors the dead, which is where their story begins. 


Before Mexico adopted the dahlia as its national flower, they were part of an Aztec myth:

The Earth Goddess Serpent Woman was ordered by the sky gods to impale a flower of Dahlia coccinea on the sharp point of a maguey leaf [agave plant] and to hold both to her heart all night. The next morning she gave birth to Uizilopochti[;] he was god, fully grown, fully armed, and with a thirst for blood from the flowers’ eight blood-red rays.


According to Spanish naturalist and court physician, Francisco Hernández, who was the first to record them in 1570, the Aztecs grew dahlias for animal food and medicine. Its medicinal use was included in the Badianus Manuscript, which was produced in 1552, making it the oldest American herbal. Like Paracelsus’s concept of the doctrine of signature, the Aztecs believed that the dahlia, whose stem resembled a water-pipe, could be used to treat the common “water-pipe” problems of humans. 


By the time the dahlia reached London, hundreds of years later, they were primarily used for food since their tubers were similar to potatoes. It wasn’t even until the 1800s that Europeans began cultivating them into the flowers we know today. Plant lore credits Napoleon Bonaparte’s wife and flower-obsessive, Empress Joséphine, for a dahlia craze that consumed Europe’s gardeners. It all began when she hired Aime Bonpland, a plant collector who brought dahlia tubers or seeds from the New World, to run her gardens. Despite the garden being a bust — Bonpland left no record of developing any dahlias for her — the plant's intrigue grew in popularity and size.    


Today, dahlias, some of which are the size of dinner plates, continue to enchant people, adding a particular old-fashioned charm to gardens and flower arrangements. It’s no wonder the craze for them continues. — GF


To Ponder

  • What was your first memory of a dahlia?

  • What do dahlias mean to you?

  • Why do you think plants continue to enchant us despite myriad things like perfume and fake plants that attempt to supplant them?

Tell me! Send your responses or just have a think about it.

Mary Warnerpostale, blooms
How to Make the Most of the Ombre Season

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


Dahlias, the flower of the ombre season.

Dahlias, the flower of the ombre season.

The kids are off to school, here’s what to do during the ombre season.


For a long time, I had no idea there could be no more than four seasons. Then I found out that in places like southern India, which seemed to have only one season—scorching, a six-season calendar is the norm. Even at home in the United States, in addition to the seasons everyone knows, the North American Cree still use a 6-season system that includes “break-up” and “freeze-up,” both seasons that reflect literal interpretations of nature.

In China, where I’ll be living, many people observe five seasons. There’s spring, summer, fall, and winter, but there’s also a late-summer or “long summer”, which happens to be now. I call it ombre season. It’s the time of year when subtle shades of yellow and red appear on trees before the fall drama. Most people place late-summer roughly between mid-August and the autumn solstice—but the text of the Huangdi Neijing (黄帝内经), which considers this period critical in Chinese Traditional Medicine, is vague. One thing is certain: This is a period of the in-between.

Lately, people have reached out to me in various states of crazed and frustrated. The holidays are over, but schools haven't quite begun. They are either frantic or harried, unhinged by the sudden change in schedule. Even people without children are not immune to the universal slow down that inevitably occurs in August. Those of us without them just have fewer distractions to mitigate it.

On the heels of summer comes fall. Most people are only a couple of generations removed from families who worked farms. Yet, it’s difficult to imagine the enormity of a fall harvest, the preparation of land and household for wintering, and the shortening of the days aided only by candlelight. The last light of summer offered a reprieve for the darkness ahead. In the context of today, where LED lights can stay on for 11 years before they burn out, relying on a natural countdown that slows us down before the frenzy of fall, is essential.

So here are my tips for embracing the ombre season:

Make a list of all that's good.

We often make endless lists detailing what we have to do, so why not make one that highlights the good. Mid-way through the year is a great time to reflect and take stock of the joy.

Walk like Thich Nhat Hahn.

If you’re not familiar with Thich That Hanh, he is a Buddhist monk who popularized the practice of a slow, meditative walk. You can learn his method here. To see the ombre colors between summer and fall, you have to slow down. There's no need to go for a hike. A walk down the block works, too. The act of slowing down allows us to see the intricate layers of life, and by design, our relationships and how we live. Then, maybe, you’ll notice ombre everywhere.

Do a cleanse.

Just as people ritually clean after winter, now is a good time to sort through, recycle, or give away anything that is no longer serving you. If it doesn’t bring you joy, it’s time to go. And the best part? You’ll have cut your spring cleaning in half!

Stay hydrated.

Just because the weather is cooling off a bit, doesn’t mean you need to drink less water. Sweat evaporates quickly in cool, dry air. Drinking plenty of water ensures your organs are not overheating and functioning optimally.

Get extra sleep — a short nap counts, too!

If, like me, you can’t take naps, get to bed earlier. The sleep control center of your brain is more sensitive to the hot and humid that typifies the ombre season, so getting extra sleep will help you stay more focused during the day.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount or buying my work. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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5 Lessons From Vietnam

Take a moment to read the philosophy behind Coucou Home. If you connect with it, then sign up for my monthly newsletter. 


Vietnam, a place of growth.

Vietnam, a place of growth.

Leaving a place is the perfect time to reflect on the lessons we’ve learned. Here are my top 5 from my Vietnam.


Smiling is a universal language.

In The Unbearable Lightness of Being, Milan Kundera expressed the human desire to be seen. When words fail, a smile says, "I see you." While I still don't speak Vietnamese, I have mastered smiling. 

Make friendship a priority at every age.

A lot of people complain that friendships wane after college. Life gets busy with marriage, kids, and jobs, each vying for attention. Though it seemed counterintuitive, when I moved to Vietnam, I invested my time in new friendships. When life eventually became tough, as it often does, I had local friends to lean on.

There is no such thing as a perfect city.

Dating people is essentially trying to understand another human. When we take the leap at love, we also learn more about ourselves. The same goes for a city. In Hanoi, I learned that I thrive when working with people in the community. Or that I am all about the small-town vibe. Cities can teach us what we don’t like, too. I require fresh air and trees or I will wither! I also must live somewhere where I can be civically engaged. Things Hanoi doesn’t quite offer. Just like people, there is no such thing as a perfect city. Just figure out what you love about the place you call home and you’ll be happy.

Give time before money. 

While many people write checks to nonprofit organizations, few offer a more precious gift: time. Before I moved to Vietnam, I was the center of the universe. My body, my career, and friends all needed tending. In Vietnam, the center shifted. My career lost its appeal, and I craved human connection. I began volunteering with Vinh, a young, bed-bound woman. She quickly became a little sister to me. Through her, I was able to access to Vietnamese culture. Life became robust. Twice a week, we communed. Mostly, we talked or ate together. While that doesn’t seem remarkable, remember what I said about Kundera? 


Find the heart of the matter in your life.

I’ve lamented the need for downsizing before, but Vietnam schooled me on the concept. Marie Kondo has her spark joy, but I needed something less conceptual. Here’s my method for crafting a meaning-filled world.

A purchase of something nonessential only happens if I respond positively to at least two of these questions:

  1. Did I see it being made?

  2. Is it made by an artist?

  3. Does the object mean something to me?

Becoming in-tune with a place allows for greater growth, but to do so requires slowing down and making time for reflection. Even if you’ve lived in a place your entire life, or never plan to leave, each of these lessons can benefit you. Which lesson will you put into practice today?


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The Stories We No Longer Carry

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The root temple of Thích Nhất Hạnh in Hue, Vietnam.

The root temple of Thích Nhất Hạnh in Hue, Vietnam.

The journey from packing the contents of my life in a moving van to needing only two suitcases for a move abroad is long and winding. It’s telling that those two suitcases are the equivalent of what I first brought with me as I left my childhood home.


Full disclosure: There’s a 50 square foot storage unit filled with things that define the "me" of my past. A year ago, when I moved my storage from Atlanta to Tampa, I found myself transported opening box after box. First to Costa Rica, via a technicolor ceramic bird. Then to Greece, via smooth marble stones. And eventually, to the book store I worked in for nearly a decade via the hundreds of books I collected, each signed by their author. In the span of the morning, I revisited countless shores of friendships and places I called home.

Commodities comprised the bulk of the four suitcases I first brought to Vietnam. Packs of deodorant, grits, quinoa, adobo spice, vanilla, cornmeal, face wash (sans whitening, because that’s the only kind you can get here), nail polish, shampoo, make up, and other things that in America Amazon can deliver in an afternoon. Had a customs official inspected my suitcase they would have assumed I was planning on opening a corner bodega.

In Vietnam, I was conscious of the things I acquired. I bought a pair of Barack and Michelle Obama paintings. A personalized calligraphy scroll for New Years. Vietnamese mulberry paper for suminagashi printing. A handmade coffee mug in the blue ware style of Bat Trang. From friends, I received sentimental things. A cloth mat in the indigo shade the defines table setting. A framed four-leaf clover. A carved wooden owl.

As we disassemble our current home, I marvel at the excess of the commodities, the stuff I was worried I would run out of and now have no room for packing. If we had a more stationary life, that stuff would accumulate. You know, bags of mini-shampoos, baskets of socks, cabinets erupting with plastic ware. We’d move it to our garage. Give it a label for the one day we might need it until we don’t—and then hire a removal company to rid us of the things that symbolize our growing fear of not having enough.

By keeping only the things in our lives that tell a story, we are freer to be more human.

There must be a correlation between the day people stopped asking their neighbors to borrow sugar and the rise of garages for storage of stuff other than cars. I do remember “borrowing” sugar. I also remember growing up in a minimalist home. Things have changed. My parents no longer borrow sugar, and their closets are filled. (To be fair, they do contain my more personal things, but they also one brother’s sneaker collection.)

Alan Watts and others like Eckart Tolle and Vietnamese monk, Thích Nhất Hạnh, have written extensively on the Zen principle of the here and now. In Asia, living in the here and now, that is to say, being in the moment, might explain why time often seems to stand still, moving the way molasses does from a jar. Foresight is a skill that defines the Occidental mind, but it also limits us. Going to get the sugar as a kid when we ran out because my parents were very much living in the moment with their six kids, allowed me to connect with my neighbor, and taught me what it meant to share.

The excesses of our lives have reduced the practice of living in the here and now, which reduces feelings of fear, anxiety, and depression, and the possibility of deeper relationships through the practice of sharing. By keeping only the things in our lives that tell a story, we are freer to be more human.


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Where Do We Go For Transcendence?

4 MIN READ

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The root of transcendence is in trees. Its long history predates the wooden structures that define the places in which we worship today. Without transcendence we are aimless creatures, so what happens when the trees disappear?


After finishing a tour of France that ended in Paris, Lindsey Brown Rahn shared a video from the Trocadero. Behind her on the horizon, the Eiffel Tower stood at stiff attention alongside a plume of smoke. Notre Dame was burning.

Lindsey and her mother had planned to visit the cathedral in the evening, but it wouldn’t be so. First responders evacuated the area adjacent to the cathedral saving the main building, two towers, and one-third of the roof. Gone were Notre Dame’s iconic spire and its forest of rafters, but from its ashes arose a question of transcendence.

For many children, Notre Dame came alive via Disney’s quirky interpretation of Victor Hugo’s French gothic novel The Hunchback of Notre Dame. Whatever the introduction, unknown to most people is that the book’s original title was Notre-Dame de Paris, a fact which historian of France and literary biographer, Rob Zaretsky, believes underscores the cathedral itself as “the most important aspect of the novel.”

When Hugo began writing his novel in the early part of the 1800s, much of Notre Dame was in disrepair and had been scavenged. Following the French Revolution, a program of dechristianization swept the country. Notre Dame was not without its scars.

Notre Dame was not without its scars.

Revolutionaries destroyed all of the large statues on the building’s facade with a notable exception of the Virgin Mary. The goddess of Liberty—or as the French dubbed her, Marianne—replaced several Mary statues. Notre Dame was rededicated to the Cult of Reason and later, under Robespierre, the Cult of the Supreme Being. When Robespierre's life was extinguished, so too was any hope that Notre Dame would catalyze transcendence.

Victor Hugo recognized the power of Notre Dame and other buildings like it not as relics to the past, but as keys to remember it, writing in Book V, Chapter 2 of Notre-Dame de Paris:

There exists in this era, for thoughts written in stone, a privilege absolutely comparable to our current freedom of the press. It is the freedom of architecture.


King Louis the VII and Pope Alexander III were present at the laying of Notre Dame’s cornerstone in the spring of 1163. However, they weren’t the first to welcome a sacred building on the site.

With their forest of arches, dappled light, and a hushed sense of reverence, it's no coincidence that cathedrals often recall the woodlands they’ve replaced. Before the existence of cathedrals like Notre Dame, forests served as places where Druids performed religious rites.

When the Romans arrived, they uprooted Celtic worship by cutting down the Druids’ sacred groves and smashing their altars. Many other groves met a similar fate in the forced conversion of these Earth-revering peoples.

Once the groves were cleared, the Romans built austere, stone temples. Although simple in design, they were complex places of worship. For example, at Île de la Cité, workers found a pillar, one of the oldest monuments in Paris, which confirmed the existence of a Gallo-Roman temple before Notre Dame was built on the site.

The pillar, dedicated to the god of lighting, Jupiter, also included Gallic god names, suggesting that the area was sacred for several generations of inhabitants, including the Celtic tribes. By the time of Christianity, the temple was succeeded by four churches, the last of which was demolished to erect Notre Dame. With the cathedral's completion in 1345, the forest symbolically returned.

It transcends religion, indeed the vibration and gravity of her interior are sacred ground in the same way a grove of ancient trees commands one’s awe.
— Nicholas Lima on Notre Dame

Beneath the roof of Notre Dame remains the oldest forest in France. Although partially replaced in the 13th century and refurbished in the 19th century, the intricate framework of beams was given the romantic designation because each of the 1,300 beams was made 800 years ago from an oak tree that was 300 to 400-year-old when it was felled.

Sacred associations with oak trees survived Christianization and often intertwined with pre-existing beliefs. The word Druid comes from the Celtic word for oak, which the Druids believed was host to the strength and energy of their gods. Notre Dame whose bones were oak, was a place in which people gathered strength from their god.

Remarking on the loss of Notre Dame, Nicholas Lima, an artist who had sketched the cathedral’s interior recently wrote, “It transcends religion, indeed the vibration and gravity of her interior are sacred ground in the same way a grove of ancient trees commands one’s awe.” Not much has changed.

On April 16, an electrical spark ignited a fire that destroyed France’s oldest forest. In the gray morning light, the damage to Notre Dame was sobering. A steady stream of photographs and reminisces of peoples’ pilgrimages to the cathedral—everyone's Lady—clogged social media. They were eerily familiar to posts made in the U.S. when west coast forest fires rage, or when arsonists attack places of worship. They all seemed to ask one question. Where can we find transcendence in a world where real forests and those places of worship shaped by human hands are set ablaze?


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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Mats of Practice

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Yoga, like other practices that activate qi or prana, creates a space for self-development and presence. How can we use what we learn on the mat elsewhere in our life or in our creative development?


A wise yoga teacher once told me that "We can always find an excuse to avoid the mat." For those of us who have incorporated yoga into their life, the benefits of a practice outweigh the commitment of time—yet inevitably the excuses pile up and our mat becomes a rolled up fixture in the corner of a room. Why is that? Usually, when we return to our mats it’s to reorient. Yet, if we had been practicing even a little bit every day, we would experience flow both on the mat and in life every day.

Yoga is an aerobic activity for a lot of people—you've seen the drenched Bikram students—but it can also be a metaphor for life that teaches us how to breathe into our experiences. Let me explain. While on the mat, holding a posture, even one that seems easy, becomes intense as lactic acid builds up in the muscle. Breathing soothes the burning sensation because oxygen breaks down the lactic acid, and then converts it to energy. Paradoxically, each breath extinguishes the fire.

Off the mat, fires rage in the form of deadlines, disagreements, and increasing demand for our attention. When we are stressed out our bodies release high levels of cortisol, which, over time, leads to permanent damage to the immune system. A recent study showed that breathing through the diaphragm, rather than into the lungs, improves cortisol levels. Pausing to breathe at the first sign of stress is the healthiest way to deal with it.

Every posture in yoga is a teacher.

Every posture in yoga is a teacher, but a favorite of mine is balasana. In Sanskrit, bala means "child". Balasana is the posture many students return to between rigorous asanas to steady their breath, but it’s also a counter pose for backbends and may sometimes begin or end a series of asanas.

Balasana begins by sitting on your knees with your shins beneath you. Then, depending on the purpose of your balasana, you can either move forward toward the earth with your arms and hands reaching in front of you for an active posture, or allow your arms to fall alongside either rib for a more relaxing pose. This posture is about being in the moment.

Extensive research on creativity reveals that after childhood, our ability to be creative decreases exponentially. A critical ingredient for creativity is presence. Children often don’t think about the past since their life is relatively short—and limited by a developing cognition, the meaning of the word "future" is a difficult concept to grasp. Balasana transforms us into the children we once were playing on to the ground, reminding our body of what it feels like to be in the moment.

Yoga, like other practices that activate qi or prana, creates a space for self-development and presence. Our action on the mat can be replicated elsewhere, whether it’s 15 minutes of solace before our kids awake, a walk around the block, or committing to unplugging a few times during the week. Whatever "mat" we chose, we must embrace our practices with the thrill of a child and the dedication of a Yogi.


Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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The Moving Moment

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What moves you? I mean deeply moves you. For some, it’s a clear, blue sky. A lover’s eyes. The smell of a baby’s breath. But for photographer Martine Franck, it was the plight of refugees.


I was weaned on sapphire skies. Beneath oak tree canopies the blue shot through, transforming our backyard into a sensory wonderland. Later on, when I lived near the Pacific and Atlantic coasts, I would marvel at the way the sky disappeared into the sea, an earthly communion early man must have marveled at, too.

India Arie’s song, “Moved By You”, eloquently and lovingly captures the symbiotic relationship of being moved by creation. A devotional to the Divine, the song underscores the generative forces of inspiration that enable us to take action:

You're the eyes of a child,

You're a horse running wild,

You're the cracking open of a heart,

You make me feel so alive,

I am honoured to know,

The twinkle of your star.

I give thanks for my time upon the planet Earth,

By all of your beauty,

I am so inspired

On most days where I live now, a blanket of gray snuffs out the fires of inspiration. With an annual air quality average considered unhealthy for most people, it literally takes my breath away. But if a simpatico relationship with nature—the mother of all inspiration—isn’t possible, how else is it born?

“Curiosity, in a way, makes you open doors, makes you surpass yourself, makes you go places,” said Martine Franck. Among her accomplishments, Franck has been one of a small number of women to be invited to join Magnum Photos for her photographic work. Citing influences such as British photographer Julia Margaret Cameron and American photographers Dorothea Lange and Margaret Bourke-White, Martine’s oeuvre was portraiture.

In 1996, Martine had been following the stories of two churches that were occupied by more than 500 sans-papiers refugees, mostly from Mali, who were protesting with hunger strikes. Before the government stormed the consecrated space with tear gas and violence, Martine visited one of the churches to photograph the people within, especially the women.

 

The ‘Sans-papiers

 
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During the protest, the Church of Saint-Bernard de la Chapelle served as one of the havens to the refugees. A picturesque neo-gothic Roman Catholic building dating from 1861, it was the offspring of a population boom in Paris’ Goutte d'Or neighborhood, a place home to North African and sub-Saharan immigrants, thus giving it the nickname, “Little Africa”.

I have always been fond of historical places of worship. Now, as it was when I was a little girl, my eyes strain to take in every detail of these sacred spaces, which reflect church politics of the day as much as beauty. In the late 1800s, the revival of Gothic style construction of Catholic churches was a response to growing Evangelicalism, an attempt by church officials to visually connect the present Catholic body with the one that existed pre-Reformation. The construction of the Church of Saint-Bernard de la Chapelle was a mirror of those times. 

Previously the area of Goutte d'Or was served by another church—from the gothic period, which briefly sheltered Joan of Arc before she entered Paris for a series of battles that would make her name synonymous with courage. As much as these sacred spaces exist to restore the heart’s of the faithful, it’s the people seeking refuge within them who can offer us transcendence. Martine must have experienced it when she went to Saint-Bernard that day.

“I just wandered around the church,” she said. “I just introduced myself to these women—I just thought it was a very moving moment.”

Curiosity guided Martine’s creative compass, but so did her compassion for the refugees. While research on the effect that nature has on creativity has reached a fever pitch, we'd benefit from more studies on how creativity is influenced by compassion—an intrinsic motivation, trumped evermore by an insatiable desire for wealth and fame.

Since arriving in Vietnam, I have had many moving moments rooted in empathy: In the midst of writing this, one of my building's housekeepers came by to thank me for finding and returning 40 USD she lost by my front door. I took the time to seek her out knowing how the loss would affect her livelihood; the average Vietnamese person makes 250 USD per month—a housekeeper makes far less. She embraced me with gratitude. When I returned to my writing, I felt the same way I did while staring out at the Pacific Ocean from a precipice in Big Sur, wildly inspired by our shared hope in humanity.

 

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Martine included only one photograph from her time at Saint-Bernard in Women/Femmes, a book of her portraits spanning 50 years, which Magnum Photos published in 2010. Within the book, a composed, but a distressed sans-papiers woman is juxtaposed to female citizens of France who are doing things like sculpting, posing in pliés, and embracing one another. Turning each page, moving moments reveal themselves like a Russian nesting doll; Martine’s portraits deftly depict the invisible boundaries that divide us, and the hearts and hands the ultimately bring us together.

Another moving moment plays on a theme, Martine’s preferred way of assembling work. Hands and eyes figure prominently in each of the portraits in Women/Femmes. Within human culture, the hand is a powerful symbol of strength: The mudras of Hinduism and Buddhism are sacred gestures intended to facilitate the flow of qi in the subtle body; while Christ’s punctured hands symbolize his sacrifice for human sin. In science, the opposable thumb is a differentiating feature which came to define Homo sapiens; while our hands, unlike any other part of our body, played a significant role in the development of our brain, language, and culture.

 
 

Silent Madonnas

 
 
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Martine took great care to lovingly depict the mental and bodily strength of women. Her work, which unfortunately ended with her life in 2012, was a testament to this fact. Part of the silent power of the sans-papiers woman is what she projects. In the photograph, the woman—who is likely a mother—cradles a lively babe whose blurry likeness is a singular homage to movement. The picture also calls to mind another image imprinted on our collective memory and on countless Christmas cards—the Madonna and Child. In Martine’s version, the cocoa skin of her sans-papiers Madonna radiates beneath an ethereal light, but her eyes reflect the agony of the unknown. “Glad tidings!” are not to come.

Behind the seated sans-papiers Madonna another Madonna looms, but this one’s frozen in stone. It’s a depiction of the pietà, one of the three common representations of Mary cradling the dead body of Jesus. The sculptor immortalized Mary’s grace in marble for the same reason Martine painted the sans-papiers Madonna with light—if only to move us. We are awed by the internal strength Mary must have had to conjure holding her broken son, and yet it's no different than the strength the sans-papiers woman would conjure as police bombarded the church with tear gas, as they forcefully removed people from the building, as they banished her and her child to a place of civil war.

 

Coucou Home is a place to feel refreshed, find heart sustenance, and heal your spirit. For this reason, it will always be ad-free. If you enjoy my work and value creativity in the world, please consider becoming a patron by making a donation in any amount. Your support is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

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